Benefits of Dying
by DreamersMyth27
Summary: It's not the cold that bothers him. It's the warmth. Or Lance dies, and he doesn't take it very well.


**A super short Voltron fic, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. So you know how Lance died or something in season six? Well, there had to be side effects, right? So this is that story. It's got an abrupt ending, but eh, se la vie.**

 **Warnings For: Depression, Allusion to Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, and Temporary Character Death**

* * *

It's not the cold that bothers him. It's the warmth.

It anyone bothered to ask Lance what the worst thing about death is before Voltron, he might have told you it's leaving your family behind. That's before, though. Now he thinks the worst thing about death is how _quick_ it is. He doesn't even have time for a last thought before he's gone.

Then he's alone in the dark. Somehow, there's a light shining directly on him. The dark isn't like most darks. It's cold, yes, but it's not bad. It's calling him. He's supposed to enter it. Lance puts a foot into the darkness and watches it disappear.

Then everything stops and he takes a shuddering breath, alive and in his body. Allura is there, her hands glowing slightly. She looks drained. Lance feels warm.

 _You shouldn't be warm_ , a small voice in his head whispers. _You should be dead. This is unnatural._

As if his body is agreeing with his thoughts he feels the sudden need to throw up violently. His heart is pumping warm blood through his veins. The beating coming from the organ makes him shudder in revulsion. Nothing feels right.

He's jerked back to reality when Allura puts a hand on his shoulder, silently asking if he's alright.

Lance gives her crooked if weak grin.

He doesn't have time to think on his demise any further. They have to stop Lotor, then get Shiro, then stop Lotor again. After that, Allura brings Shiro back to life by putting his soul (trapped in the Black Lion, apparently) back into his clone's dead body.

It's a weird week.

Somehow, in all the chaos of having to get back to Earth and make plans to defeat Sendak, he doesn't even think about his death until he's about to die again.

They're flying the robeast into the atmosphere to stop it from destroying Earth with a massive explosion. The only thing he can think is: _It's finally over_. He's happy.

Then he wakes up in the hospital, injured, sore, and very much alive. The first emotion is disappointment. That scares him. Death isn't something he should wish for. It isn't something he should want. And yet it's his deepest desire.

As he heals, his thoughts quiet again. There's almost always someone in the room when he's awake, giving him little time for introspection. It's always there, though. Like a small part of him is missing and like his body is too small for his soul. Contradictions, yet they're both true. There's no other way for him to put it.

For a time, Lance considers asking Shiro if he feels the same way, stuffed into a body not his own. Or if maybe he feels like something's missing. Lance can never make himself brave enough to ask.

If he's being honest with himself, he thinks there's something different with how Shiro was brought back to life versus him. Shiro doesn't hold the same awkwardness in his movements that Lance does now. He doesn't get distracted easily like Lance does now.

There's no easy answer to what's going on with him, and he's given up on finding out. He tries to keep any traitorous thoughts far from his mind. It works, somewhat. Fake it till you make it, though.

After everyone is discharged from the hospital, they keep busy. Pidge is with her family a lot, making up for lost time. Shiro is helping with rebuilding trust in the military. Hunk is enjoying being with his family. Keith is getting to know his mom. Allura is helping teach everyone on Earth about aliens and upgrading technology.

Lance, he's surrounded by his family. By love. It's wonderful, amazing, and everything he ever wanted. Except… something's still missing. And somehow, Lance thinks it always will be. That's what happens when you die, after all.


End file.
